Barely Human
by Kayleigh Megan
Summary: Supergirl willingly loses her powers and CADMUS takes advantage of that. How will she cope? WARNING! first chapter contains triggers, implied and talked about. (Set in 207)
1. Chapter 1

**I don't know what happened but this stuck in my head for a while and I realized it was only going away if I wrote it. So there you go. Read and review, please! (This is AU! Set in episode 207 when Mon-El and Kara get captured by CADMUS)**

* * *

"What are you going to do with me?"

Kara Danvers had never really been one for fear. Not only because she had super powers beyond any other who would want to hurt her, but because she was raised to not be afraid, by both her set of parents.

"She was supposed to save Mon-El!"

When she was strapped to the table though, fear raced through her veins.

"Don't worry, Supergirl. He'll be fine." The way he said her name sent shivers down her spine and she wished she still had her powers.

"Mr. James. It's time," Lillian Luther said.

"First, some blood," a voice said close to her head. Kara turned toward the voice just as she felt the knife slowly slide across her skin, leaving it burning. She almost but off her tongue in order to keep quiet as Mr. James squeezed the burning skin, drawing blood.

"I didn't think you'd be so...primitive." Lillian laughed softly as she watched and Kara wished she could hurt the woman.

"You think I want to be careful with our little superhero alien? After all she's done to us?" Mr. James replied.

"No, I suppose not."

Kara felt the tears burn in her eyes as he worked, slowly taking a couple of vials of blood. Most of her blood though, spilled on the table and she could feel it soaking through her suit. She'd have to talk to Winn about that.

"What are your plans? Now that you have her here?" Kara turned her head away from Mr. James and glared at Lillian.

"I have something in mind." Mr. James turned away and Kara wished she could see what he was doing. "I need some privacy though."

"I'm not sure that-"

"You gave me free reign, get the fuck out of my face before I make you."

Kara shivered this time as his voice promised her pain, and lots of it. She had heard it before and she wished she could ignore it, but she couldn't. Not strapped to the table she couldn't.

"Alright, Mr. James."

Lillian's heels clicked agains the floor and Kara realized that the room was clearing as Mr. James was busy setting up something she couldn't see.

"Supergirl…now that you don't have your powers, you're in for so much pain, it's going to show even when your powers return."

* * *

"Kara?"

Alex. She'd been all Kara had been able to think about, keeping her safe and getting out of that hellhole alive to do that.

She opened her eyes and stared right into Alex' eyes, relieved that her sister was safe and scared out of her mind that Mr. James could still be out there.

"Wh-" she almost chocked on the dryness of her throat and as she coughed, she realized that they were still in danger.

"Take it easy. Here, drink something." Alex pushed a straw between her lips and Kara sipped. It cooled her throat and made her mind a little clearer.

"Alex, we have to get out of here." It didn't even sink in that they weren't in the bunker anymore.

"We're at the DEO. Don't worry, Kara. We're safe." Alex took Kara's hand and smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes.

"Oh thank god," Kara breathed out, everything in her body suddenly making itself known. "What about..."

"Lillian Luther got away, but the man...the guy hurting you was apprehended."

Kara felt herself pale, her whole body turning cold and she gritted her teeth against the tears burning in her eyes. She closed her eyes as she let the news settle.

"Good." At least one of the people hurting her had been caught. She was safe against him.

"He's going to rot in jail for a long time Kara. I promise you."

"I know." Kara opened her eyes and took a deep breath. "Alex, things happened...I have to...I lost my powers, and...they... _he_...used that against me."

Alex paled and shook her head. "Kara, the cuts and bruises tell me a story. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"But I do. Don't you see?" Kara tried to sit up but her body protested against the movement, her sides, her back and her stomach aching beyond belief. It was something she was going to have to get used to. "Alex, he did things to Supergirl that...he was...damn!"

Even though she knew she had to tell her sister, she _wanted_ to tell her sister, it was harder than she had imagined.

"You can tell me later okay? When you feel up to it." Alex closed her eyes for a moment before fixing her gaze on the machines beeping next to the bed. "We know he tortured you even though there doesn't seem to be anything he wanted to know. He admitted he did it just for the fun of it."

"I know."

"He admitted to taking your blood for Lillian Luther but he didn't tell me why. I think he doesn't even know." Alex cleared her throat. "He was gloating. He was proud of himself because he is the only known person to hurt you."

"It's...what else did he tell you?" Kara asked even though she knew.

"He told me to ask you." Alex swallowed. "He told me to ask you because you had enjoyed it as much as he had."

Kara gagged as she thought of what he had done to her. "I didn't-"

"Kara, I know. I know you didn't enjoy being tortured for nothing. I know, okay? It's what he said. He's crazy. Dangerous." Alex shivered and Kara cleared her throat as it seemed to close around the words.

"Alex he...after he got done cutting into my skin he needed something else and I was weak...not just because I had lost my powers but because of the blood...I couldn't fight because I was strapped to that table." Kara swallowed again, the words only becoming harder to say. "He...he forced himself on me."


	2. Chapter 2

**Another chapter, warning same as the last!**

* * *

 _"He...he forced himself on me."_

Kara turned her head as a lone tear slipped down into her hair.

Alex was quiet. There was nothing she could say and Kara was sure that she would leave.

but Alex didn't. "There were...signs."

"Of what?" Kara mumbled as she accepted that Alex didn't want to talk about it.

"Of rape. There were signs but I didn't want to believe it."

"I'm sorry."

Alex grunted and when Kara turned her head she could see the tears that she was so set on holding inside were sliding down her sister's cheeks.

"Don't. He should be the one who's sorry. He will be. You were on your stomach, when we found you. He was carving into your back and I saw...you were unconscious and I saw red. I wanted to kill him. Even though he..."

"I remember he took off...most of my clothes," Kara muttered through her fear of going into a dark place after telling Alex. "He said he wanted to see...if I would get my powers back sooner if-"

"No."

Kara lifted her hand to touch Alex' cheek. "You saved me."

"I was too late to keep you from hurting." Alex stood to her feet, restlessness in her body as they spoke about the hurts Kara had suffered.

"You were there in time for me to stay alive Alex."

"Why did you go?" Alex asked after what seemed like an eternity of silence. "We lost contact. Why'd you go in alone?"

"They had Mon-El...how is he? They-"

"He's fine. The bullet has been taken out and he's on antibiotics to keep the...Kara, why'd you go in there alone?" Alex asked again and Kara took a moment to feel the relief at Mon-El's health. He was okay.

"Cadmus. She called me, Lillian called me to tell me they had him. I couldn't reach you, so I decided that I had to go in and find him. I wasn't going to let him die."

She knew Alex wouldn't like it. It's why she'd gone before they had restored contact.

"You...I know you're Supergirl, but you're not invincible."

"I was until I gave them my powers." Kara cursed herself for it. Even after a year of being Supergirl she was still naive. "It's my fault Alex not yours or anyone else's."

She turned her head, tears slipping into her hair. Even though she knew Alex deserved to know everything she was done with the conversation. For now.

She feigned sleep and waited until Alex left the room before she sobbed.

It was all her own stupid fault.

* * *

She'd fallen asleep and had been asleep for two days. Her wounds, on the outside, healed quickly because of her alien blood but the ones on the inside...nothing could heal those kind of wounds.

Alex sat beside her sister as she rolled her shoulders and sighed. There was nothing she could do to help her sister and it made her angry. Mr. James had been questioned by J'onn and Alex together and apart but he had not told them any more of the plans CADMUS had.

"Alex?" Kara's voice broke through her thoughts and she looked up to see her sister look at her, confusion on her face. "Why do you look like you've been awake for a week?"

"I think because it's been that long...or something like that," Alex said with a smile. "You look better."

"I feel...I don't hurt as much." Kara moved around in her bed and then sat up. "Dizzy though." She lifted a hand to her forehead and rubbed.

"You still have anemia but the injuries have healed...mostly." Alex nodded at her and Kara sighed. "You've slept for a couple of days...nothing happened out there just so you know. The city is safe for now."

She could see the wheels in Kara's head start to turn and before she could explain, Kara asked, "what happened?"

"As your mother explained, sometimes this happens after a big trauma. You sleep while your body works to heal the wounds you've sustained and it'll make it easier to...I think it'll be easier to deal." Alex rubbed her burning eyes. "She told me that it might take a while for your earthly powers to return because of it though, which means you'll have to ride the next couple of days out without any of your powers."

"I don't mind." Kara slowly let her weight down on her feet and sighed in relief. It took Alex a moment to realize what she had said.

"You don't?"

"I kind of need to heal, Alex. On the inside. Even if I did get my powers back I need to take the time to heal my...I don't know."

"That makes sense." Alex nodded and Kara looked at her, suspicious of the turn. "I get it Kara. You have to deal with what happened to you, you didn't just...you have a lot to think about and a lot of healing to do before you can return as Supergirl." Alex felt a different kind of burning in her eyes as she looked at the pale face of her sister. "I love you Kara, I'll be here for you."

"Thank you, Alex." Kara slowly made her way toward her sister and leaned against her. Alex wrapped her arms around her and held her for a moment before she realized that Kara was crying. Sure, she was an emotional woman, always had been. But ever since the last conversation they'd had, she didn't expect Kara to actually let herself feel anything that could make her cry.

"Hey..."

"I was helpless, Alex. I've never been helpless and now I still feel like that. I don't know if...if I'm ever going to get over this."

Alex winced and rubbed Kara's back slowly, gently. "You will, Kara. You're the strongest person I know and not just because of your super powers. I've seen you deal with pain and you're so strong..."

"I'm just glad I have you...and mom..." Kara sighed as she leaned into Alex, tears sliding down her cheeks as she realized. She realized how many people she had around her, wanting to help her. "I'm glad I'm not alone."


	3. Chapter 3

Mon-El was nervous around her. It showed in everything he did.

Sitting on the couch, her knees touching her chest, she stared at him as he pretended to watch TV.

Ever sound she made, every breath she took it seemed as if he tensed. She sighed and pushed her hand against his shoulder.

"You're acting strange."

He looked at her, nerves showing even more now that she had addressed him.

"I don't know how to act around you!" He said as he held up his hands, as if afraid he'd touch her.

"How about...like your normally do?" Kara frowned at him as he stood to his feet almost unexpectedly.

"I feel like things...like everything has changed and I don't know how I normally act around you, if that's not-"

"Stop! I'm not going to die or anything, so don't act like I am!"

He stared at her as Kara yelled at him. She wondered what he was thinking for a moment before she gritted her teeth and stood to her feet.

"I'm sorry," Mon-El muttered as he stood, his hands in his jeans pockets and his head lowered.

"You should be! No one acts normally around me anymore, it's infuriating!"

He took a deep breath and stepped forward. She couldn't help taking a step back, but he took another step forward and looked at her.

"People don't act normally around you anymore because no one knows how to act. When you demand people to act normal, and then flinch when someone steps closer, it's confusing." He looked at her face as she forced herself not to move. He stepped even closer, his hands coming up beside his face. "When people want to hug you and you look like you're going to pass out because they're too close, people wonder if you need more space."

"I..." She didn't know what to say, because he was right. She had been demanding people to treat her like the person she had been, but she'd also been wary of anyone coming too close.

"I'm going to hug you now," Mon-El said and before she could think of a response he had his arms wrapped around her, pulling her into his chest. "I'm not going to hurt you, okay? Just...relax?"

Kara forced her body to relax, limb by limb. She slowly wrapped her arms around his waist as he stood as still as he could, not putting any pressure on her.

She could feel the burning in her eyes and the feeling of safety finally, for the first time in a week, wrapped around her while Mon-El held her. Tears stained his clothes but he didn't say anything, he just held her.

* * *

"Will you go back to protecting the city?" Winn stared at Kara as she shrugged and she sighed.

Even after Mon-El had held her, she still felt strange having someone too close to her. But, she figured, one hug wouldn't make her feel like everything was alright again. It needed time, and she knew that people around her knew that.

"I think that's not even relevant right now. I mean, I don't have my powers, so I'll just have to wait and see if I'm going to get them back."

"Of course, but when you do?"

"I don't know Winn. This happened to me because I was-am Supergirl." CADMUS had wanted to hurt Supergirl, but also the person she was. They had succeeded better than anyone had ever done and she didn't even know if she wanted to think about being Supergirl.

"Maybe you should focus on finding Lillian Luther instead of forcing her to think about something right now that isn't even needed," Alex said as she walked into the room. "Hey, Kara. Maggie is coming over for dinner tonight, you feel like coming to join us?"

Kara smiled. "A date?"

She wasn't supposed to know yet but she'd seen the looks the two exchanged when they thought no one was looking. Alex blushed, and Kara chuckled.

"Um...I guess...you could call it a date."

"Then no, I'm not going to come on your date with Maggie. Just...enjoy," she leaned into Alex as her sister hugged her.

"I don't mind...Maggie won't mind," Alex tried again. Kara shook her head. "Okay, if you're sure." Kara nodded her head and looked up at her sister.

From the moment Alex had met Maggie, Kara had seen the change in her sister. It was a pretty sight, and though Alex was still nervous and unsure, Kara knew she would find happiness.

* * *

Kara hadn't been alone much since CADMUS. She had made it her focus to have someone she trusted around her, even when sometimes it made her uncomfortable. After her talk with Mon-El, she decided that she needed to find a way to be alone again without being afraid and so she hadn't invited anyone over after Alex had asked her on her date.

At first, she couldn't relax. Every sound outside set her on edge.

But after a while her body relaxed, and her mind stilled. As she watched a movie on TV, she could feel herself relax enough to actually doze off.

It was the knock on the door that woke her, her body back to almost breakable tension.

She stared at the door for a moment before the knock sounded again and she stood to her feet, wishing she'd gotten her powers back.

When she stood in front of the door, her breathing labored from nerves, she looked through the peephole.

The person standing there deflated all her nerves about being attacked again, but gave her a whole new set of nerves to deal with.

She opened the door, her head pounding from the stress. "Kal-El!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi! thanks so much for the review and the follows! I'm doing my best to update every day but my daughter is sick so I'm kind of busy...but here you go! Tell me what you think...it's not much I'm afraid.**

* * *

"Alex told me what happened."

Kara closed the door behind Kal-El as he walked into her home and straight into the kitchen. The two grocery bags were filled to the rim and she wondered what he was planning.

"She did?" Was all she could say as he seemed to make himself at home in the kitchen.

"Sit, relax. We can talk while I make us dinner," her cousin said with a smile and Kara did as she was told. She told herself that it was only because he had surprised her.

"What did Alex tell you exactly?" Kara asked. She'd asked Alex to keep the people who knew to a minimum, only when they really needed to know she could tell them. Kara couldn't think of a reason that her cousin needed to know what had happened.

"You got captured by CADMUS, right?"

"Yes, but what did Alex tell you?" She shifted in her seat.

"Oh, just that. She told me you might need me so I wrapped things up at home and took some time off." Kal-El smiled at her and turned back toward the stove.

"What about Lois?" Kara asked. She rubbed her forehead, a headache starting to build behind her eyes.

"She's okay with me being here. It's fine, Kara. You need me," Kal-El didn't even turn around but his voice was so gentle, Kara felt tears burn in her eyes.

"Okay then."

* * *

"Why don't you drink some of your wine? Tell me what's bothering you? What happened?" Kal-El asked as he put dinner on the table. The smells made Kara a little queasy but she swallowed and smiled up at her cousin.

"I don't want to drink, it gives me nightmares." Kara had once drank enough to feel the buzz while she was recovering from losing her powers. It had made her night a living hell, and even though back then nothing like this had happened, she had vowed to never drink again while human. "This looks really nice."

"Thank you...Kara alcohol doesn't affect you," Kal-El said with a grin and Kara looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Actually, it does when I don't have my powers."

"What? You don't have your powers? What happened?" He looked so surprised that Kara chuckled dryly.

"CADMUS forced me to solar flare. They shot Mon-El," she explained. "He was going to die...at least that's what they told me. They'd help him if I helped them."

"But..."

"But they didn't and when they rescued us, he still had the bullet in his leg."

"So what did they do to you?"

Kara looked at his face, etched with concern and she sighed.

"They took some blood." Kara wondered what would happen if she told him everything but the concern and pain on his face earlier told her it wouldn't do him or her any good. So she stopped, and watched his face intently as he processed it.

"That's it?" He looked surprised, and when Kara nodded he blew out a breath. "Well good. I mean, it's not good they took blood...who knows what they're going to do with it."

"True." Kara was glad that he let it go after a moment. She thought of a way to change the subject when Kal-El did her a favor.

"So how's your reporting job?" He asked.

"It's awesome," Kara replied and smiled. This was something she could talk about for hours and he would understand.

* * *

As Kal-El left, Mon-El arrived and Kara sighed as she let him in.

"You don't seem happy to see me," Mon-El said with a grin and she smiled at him.

"I was just going to take a shower and go to bed, but come in, make yourself at home," she replied and watched as he let himself fall down onto her couch.

"Go take a shower, I'm okay waiting for a while. I just wanted to hang out."

"You sure?" Kara really wanted to take that shower. Kal-El had brought a lot of memories to the forefront and she just wanted to feel clean again.

"Okay, if you expect people to treat you like they normally would you need to stop feeling weird about taking a shower while I'm here. It's never bothered you." Mon-El said as he took off his shoes. Kara had to admit he was right, she was being weird about doing things she'd normally do without thinking about.

So she got ready for her shower, listening to Mon-El as he chuckled at the TV every once in a while. While she was in the shower, she forced all her muscles to relax and she let the warm water do the rest of the work. She knew that no matter how long she would stay under the stream she wouldn't feel clean, but she couldn't help but try.

"Isn't that water cold yet?" Mon-El asked loudly and Kara jumped, almost slipping.

"No!"

But she did get out of the shower and dried off quickly. She didn't want to keep him waiting longer than he should.

The bruises were already gone, and the wounds Mr. James had inflicted had already scarred over. Kara hadn't told anyone yet, that on her back she knew she had his initials in her skin. The first day she had been alone, she had taken a long shower, and she had found out while she was drying off that the scars on her back weren't simply some lines.

EJ.

She had cried, because not only had he marked her body but also her mind. She wouldn't forget what he had done but he had somehow made sure that no one else would ever forget, if they ever saw her back.

Which is why she hadn't told anyone and she wasn't going to unless someone saw it.


End file.
